Thursday, November 10, 2005

Fred vs. The Flying Squirrel

I have seen many things in my now 27 years on planet Earth, but what I'm about to tell you can clearly take the cake.

White people fighting: I've seen it, funny as hell but nothing like this.
Crackheads running out of a women's clothing store with an armful of clothes: funny as hell, but nothing like this.
A dog attack a duck outside of Southern University's Mayberrry Cafeteria: something out of "Trials of Life" and Discovery Channel, but not like this.

Ladies and Gentlemen...I'm from Maringouin, La. (pop. 1,200 est.), a small country town where the people hunt. Which means, you can see deer, rabbit, alligator and other game killed, skinned and grilled all in the same day. However, not even my country upbringing prepared me for what happened Saturday night.

It's Saturday, about midnightish-1 a.m.-ish and I was taking my beloved Southern Jaguars to the Big Dance on NCAA March Madness 2006 on the PS2. I heard a noise, but dismissed it as something falling because the house is under some renovation. I kept hearing noises and turn on the livving room lights to see what was going on.

Lo and behold there was a furry woodland creature sitting atop the curtains. I thought it was a squirrel, but it didn't look like the squirrels I normally see. It was a flying squirrel (run a search for "flying squirrel" on to see pics of what I was seeing).

Apparently, the squirrel had came in from the fireplace. I tried to help the little creature out of the door, but that muthaf--ka lept and flew over my head (bear in mind, I'm 6'3"). I don't scare easily, but that shit amazed the hell out of me. I ducked as it flew over about 10 feet to another part of the living room.

I still had a broom in my hand, but that thing went like Ricochet Rabbit and bounced off the stereo, off the couch and back atop the curtains on the other side of the living room. I flushed it over to the end of the curtain, and by this time I had a box in my hands trying to capture it and get it out the house. It jumped down to the entertainment center, on the TV, and scurried ACROSS MY FEET to the other side of the living room.

The blessing in disguise is that it ran into the kitchen, where most of the renovating was going on. There was nothing for it to jump on and I got that damned squirrel out of the house.

What did I do after that? Sat down, played the Deuce some more, shake my head and say "Wow!"

The End.