Sunday, July 15, 2007

A few notes from Fred getting tested for HIV (I'm negative, folks)

First things first, I took one of those oral swab HIV tests. The result (which I had a damned good feeling) was that I'm HIV negative. So I guess, like that old BET ad campaign, there's peace of mind in knowing.

But that's probably the side note to the whole thing. My girlfriend's church was sponsoring free HIV testing for people in the community. She talked me into getting tested and we share results (she's HIV negative, also). At first, I thought the idea was a novel one, but as I read the form the counselors had to fill out, it had me thinking that this was an on-the-slick way to see if I was being truly honest and faithful, but that's later.

Ironically, the first T-shirt that I grabbed was a khaki number with the phrase "I'm right. You're wrong. Any more questions?" plastered in big orange or (urnge) letters. The sky was dark and rain was falling down (maybe because I was on holy ground for the first time in a minute)and here I was waiting to get tested. My g/f was running around doing other things at the church.

So it's my time to go and the first question the counselor asked me on the form was "when was the last time you had sex with another man?" That questioned floored me, not because of the disbelief that I was getting asked that questioned, but because IT WAS THE FIRST FRIGGIN QUESTION OUT OF THE GATE. My first response was supposed to be, "Man do I look like JL King up in here? I don't play with that Chuck-n-Billy mess. I likes the ladies."...But the recently-devleoped filter from brain to mouth translated that response to "No."

The other questions were like how many sexual parterns I had in the last 12 months, intravenous drug usage and those other type questions.

But I passed the test, and I felt like doing the cupid shuffle, well not exactly, but there was a dude that went before me. His test was negative and his response...

"Ah yeah. I'mma wear this on my chest in the club so these girls know what the deal is with me."